Choice: A Solitary Recluse

I’m a hermit. I spend 90% of my time in solitude. The grand majority of my time I spend with a cat named Swami. My definition of fun involves reading, time alone in nature, and adventure/exploration (literally and metaphorically). I’m also a social chameleon. When I meet anyone – I quickly read them (facial expressions, word choice, vocal tone, breathing pattern, eye blink pattern, movements, etc.) to determine what they’d like me to become. Then, I become that. I shapeshift into environments to create harmonious interactions. It makes my life easier and takes a lot less energy than trying to figure out how my core self fits into varying spaces. I’m interested in depth – if I’m ever to converse with humans, I want it to be about art, metaphor, poetry, the meaning of existence, philosophy, the cosmos. Though the priority of most of my conversations with strangers is to determine how to  shapeshift to their liking. I don’t like clubbing. I don’t like drinking alcohol. I’ve had a total of one drink in the entirety of 2020.  I enjoyed the drink. However, constantly having drinks would bore me and overwhelm my body. Traditional social environments drain me. I want all of my senses to be engaged as often as possible without the introduction of external substances. I also spend a lot of time unplugging and resting.  I spend about 10% of my time “withOUT” – with other humans and with the outside world. However, it is my preference to spend time alone. I need a lot space, rest, and recharge to function.

I’m always stunned that when a woman speaks about her preferences and desires, society quickly responds with: “Wait until you have children.”

  1. Motherhood is a CHOICE (at least it is in free, wealthy countries).
  2. I’m NOT birthing any physical entity in this lifetime.
  3. The only way I would become a parent in this lifetime is via step-motherhood. The child must be above the age of 5 and the primary mother must still be in the picture as a caretaker.
  4. You will regret it. You will change your mind.” I’ve known I didn’t want to give birth to anything since I was 10 years old. For the grand majority of my life, I’ve constantly heard “You’ll change your mind.” I will be 30 years old in December. I still DON’T want to have children.

Agency. Autonomy. Choices. Decisions. These are part of the human experience, too.

PS. I also don’t drink coffee 😉


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