Yesterday at 7AM , I made my way to Long Beach. I conducted my visit. After leaving the clinic, I made my way to a Starbucks to polish off some work – reports, admin tasks, etc. As soon as I finished all the life tasks, I met up with Miley. I’ve mentioned Miley on here before. I’ve been mentoring Miley since 2017. On Wednesday, she officially moved into her apartment in LA. When I arrived at her apartment, I was overwhelmed with memories from September 2018 when I first moved to San Diego. At that time what I most wanted was a familiar face to simply be present. Ever heard the phrase, “Be the person you needed when you were younger.”? Miley and I have very similar backgrounds. We fall in the category of humans that due to family circumstances had to mature faster that our respective age demographic – we had to be there for ourselves in order to stay alive. Every time I interact with her, I experience joy. When we speak there is an ease, an effortless connection that flows without excessive explanation. She always tells me I’m the big sister she never had – it warms my heart. Her Pisces Sun and my Pisces Moon just vibe.
After the sun set and some hours passed, we made our way to Pasadena. On the way to Pasadena, I asked Miley to DJ (PS. Always ask the Pisces Sun to DJ 😉 ). In Pasadena, we made our way to different stores, she ran some errands, and eventually we set into the evening. Everything from the music, the food, dessert, and the people we met throughout the night just flowed. Towards the end of the night we talked about our trajectories. From the beginning of our lives, to our meeting, to the now. I still remember the first time I met Miley. After she graduated, a mutual friend of ours recommended that we connect. The first time I met Miley she hurriedly walked into a coffee shop, wearing business casual, and she brought her laptop, CV, and all her materials. At the time, we were both still living in New York. Her preparation said a lot about whom she was. Yet it wasn’t her external presentation that spoke to me, but rather her energy. She possessed a spark, a fire, an energy that was drenched in the willingness to do whatever it takes. After that meeting, she followed up and followed through. And here she is today. Last night, my heart swelled as I witnessed her in a state of blossom. Out of all the feelings of satisfaction I’ve experienced in life, watching someone grow and evolve in front of your eyes is the most rewarding by far. I seriously haven’t done much for her – I’ve just been present! The action has 100% been on her.
As the night progressed, we also talked about guys and love. Our evolution in the context of. We exchanged stories of the people we’ve met, the lessons we’ve learned, and the glow-ups we’ve experienced as a result of each interaction. We talked about the importance of standing in your worth and how doing so makes life in general much easier. I’d like to share two valuable lessons here: 1. The person/people you spend your life with is one of the most important decisions you’ll make in your life (The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Esther Perel)., 2. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
On 1: I personally watched my mother’s life disintegrate over the years because she chose to marry my father. An independent career woman with dreams and desires (with far more education and earning potential than my father) was made to choose between her career and her children. Of course she chose her children and from that point forward the quality of her life decreased. Suddenly, she had no meaningful work, no friends nor a social support system outside of my father (and eventually my sister and I), and no expressive nor creative outlet for her well-being. Religious and cultural beliefs led her to stay in a connection that was corrosive to her soul. The older I became, the more that I saw her individuality become that of my father’s. I observed health and vitality escape her body. I remember turning 10 and asking myself, “Why do people want romance? Why do people want to get married? Why do people want love connections?” From my perspective, it was a sure way to ensure that your potential in life was zapped. Luckily, after I left home at 17 and entered the world at large, I came across couples and couple groups that were healthy – they we all individuals that had managed to find partnership. In this moment, I’d invite you to write down the 5 people closest to you. Do you like the relationships you have with those individuals? Are these people whom you feel you can continue to expand and grow with (given you put forth the work that maintaining healthy relationships requires)? Do you feel inspired by these people? The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives (Esther Perel). Or as Professor Brooks used to say, “You are the company you keep.” Love (meaning feelings of love) alone is not enough.
On 2: I can’t tell you the number of times in life I have found myself in situations where I have asked, “Is he into me?” Miley and I talked about this. I’ve had plenty of friends come to me in high-analytics mode wanting to determine if a person was into them or not. I’m laughing as I type this – there’s so much fun in this human experience. The answer is simple – NO. If you’re having to spend extensive amounts of time in Google or talking with your friends in regards to whether someone is into you or not, or how to make someone “want you”, the answer should be pretty clear. Some years ago, I was part of a Saturn Return (astrology) Workshop and I clearly remember one of the facilitators (Dana Balicki) sharing a set of words that forever changed my life: “As soon as you’re trying to prove yourself, you’re giving your power away.” *jaw drop* If you find yourself trying to prove to him/her/they that you’re a good, attractive, beautiful, perfect, wonder, person, you’re wasting energy that you could potentially be using to pursue other amazing things in your life. Not everyone you come across is going to see your value. Accepting this hard truth will make life much easier. So go learn a new language, work on advancing your career, get into killer shape, find a way to travel the world, start a couple of businesses, move across the country/world, write 3 novels, or <insert something you want to do here>. I guarantee you that the moment you start pursuing the life that you desire and sharing it with those people you most love, you’ll start meeting more like-minded individuals that won’t make you feel like you have to prove your worth to be around them.
Don’t accept anything less than this (tune find courtesy of Miley):