“…and I believe that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” Esther Perel
The most exciting thing about the next week: no travel! I get to stay in Sunny San Diego all week and based on the weather forecast, it looks like SD is going to live up to its name! I’m already freakishly productive, but one week of grounding = two months worth of productivity. This also means that I’ll get regular sleep! No time zone tripping nor jet lag demons. It’ll be a super solid week. Also, in addition to working out, it means that I get studio time EVERY DAY next week. The studio is my saving grace, where I can commune with all my angels and demons. And most importantly where I go to lengthen. I work out in every city that I go to, but I only get studio time in SD. Studios are sacred spaces for yoga, for dance, for freedom.
Now back to this longing for love.
I meet a fair amount of people – without any dating apps (I don’t believe in using those). My technique? I literally just go outside and people strike up conversations with me. That’s literally it. Now, not everyone that I meet I’m magnetized towards, but I will eternally be enamored and curious about the human experience. I am genuinely intrigued by most people. Here are my current biggest road blocks:
- A lot of men that I meet have a desire to maintain or “keep” a woman. But here’s the deal, I make more money than most men that I meet. The only man that I know that earns more than I do is my best friend Matt whom is a corporate lawyer. I’m not looking to be financially maintained (Venus in Capricorn in the 6th house). Want to maintain me? Give me a hug, play with my hair, climb a mountain with me, make me laugh, tell me something interesting about space, physics, anything. That’s how I feel “maintained”. (Love language rankings: 1. Quality Time, 2. Words of Affirmation, 3. Acts of Service. Read more about love languages here).
- I was born an American Citizen and I have a US Passport. I’m not looking for a green card or some sort of residency. I’m good!
- If someone texts me often (aka everyday), but makes no effort to see me in real life, I’m going to become uninterested. I don’t build connections based on text messages. I build connections based on physical interactions, conversation, and adventure.
- Space and Freedom. My life is full – not busy (I don’t use this term) – but full. I have a very demanding career, friends that need my attention, a whole slew of beauty rituals, workouts, and a million other things that fill up my days. Just because I’m not constantly interacting with a man, doesn’t mean I’m entertaining other men or not interested. If I am with someone, I’m not looking for ownership, I’m looking for partnership. I’m not particularly interested in the concept of a boyfriend or of being completed, I’m interested in an equal partner.
- My independence will always be something I protect at all costs. And no, being in a partnership does not mean you have to give up your independence – that is a cognitive distortion.
- It’s a dance – it can’t all be too much too soon or too little too late. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style (read about that particular attachment style here). I both deeply crave intimacy, but also really fear engulfment. I enjoy the work of Esther Perel. She talks about the psychology of eroticism in long-term connections – most of us seek to make space for navigating the paradox between mystery and familiarity – the paradox that keeps desire alive.
- Time. When I was tiny, my mother used to have a saying that I currently live by: El tiempo no se busca, el tiempo se hace. (You don’t seek for time, you make time.) When people make bullshit excuses about being “busy” (ugh, that word sickens me), I have no choice but to laugh. Listen buddy, I work 60-80 weeks in clinical research and travel 80% of the time. I eat my meals, make time for my workouts, make time for my friends, for my beauty rituals, and for my blog. If I am into someone, I will fucking make the time. I will pull time out of my ass, a hat, the secret black hole vortex that lives inside my closet. I will make magic out of 24 hours in ways that you can’t even imagine. Besides, we are all given the same 168 hours per week. The space-time continuum exists so everything doesn’t happen all at once, not so we can cling on to it for cheap ass excuses. Matthew Hussey recently posted something that I deeply agreed with and made me laugh. You might get a kick out of it too: “‘Too busy for a relationship’ isn’t an invitation to prove him wrong. It’s just another reason you can walk away happy knowing your affection is better spent elsewhere.”
Why am I sharing this on my blog? Well, it’s a 5 universal month in numerology – which invites us to take risks in order to get what we truly desire. I’m actually doing this as part of a challenge for the month of November! Here’s a snippet from something I shared on instagram earlier:
Have a good Sunday (or Monday)!