The Consuming Depth of Desire

Today I remembered why in the past I’ve run away from my desires. When I desire, it’s a combination of all elemental matter in an all-consuming form. My desire runs through my bones and etches marking on my souls. My yearning and longing heighten to ineffable heights. I’ve yet to meet (an)other(s) that can match my depth of desire. When I want, I want to insatiable degrees. I crave ecstasy in indescribable ways. What else would you expect from a Cancer Ascendant and a Pisces Moon?

Have you ever noticed how quickly the sun sets? I often wonder if the sun ever feels unsupported or unaccompanied – or better yet, if it feels at all. My desires at times become so all-consuming that I project them out into part of the cosmos to keep my being grounded. A rapturous craving for love has arisen – yet not all will do. As a matter of fact, most won’t. My desire in as strong as it can be, is the utmost selective. I think of Cassie. I think of Jenna. I think of love.

The feelings and sensations that are running through my body are too strong. Strong enough to be ineffable. I’ll log off from here by sharing one of my favorite poems – one which is accurately describing my desires far more than I can at the moment.

Post beach nap
Post beach nap nearing sunset

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesnt interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.


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