In yesterday’s random card draw, I selected the Goddess Radha.
RHADA – goddess of passionate love and longing
“Are you in love? You very well may be soon. Rhada is the goddess of euphoric bliss and deep surrender when you gaze into the eyes of your lover. She is the passionate lover of Krishna, who gave up everything to be in his arms. Radha represents the desire to merge with your beloved and lose yourself in the utter ecstasy that is love. If you aren’t already in love, it’s well on its way and already occurring all around you. Allow yourself to lose yourself in the divine dance of romance, for love is just you experiencing your soul in another body.”
Manta: Om Radhaya Namaha
“We are hard-wired to pause prior to changing directions”. The teacher said as we transitioned from down-dog and flowed through chaturanga, up-dog, back to down-dog. India Arie’s Ready for Love suddenly started playing through my head as we made our way through inversions, back-bends, and balancing poses. As I’ve mentioned in this blog before, my last relationship ended in 2016. I haven’t dated anyone since. I’ve certainly been involved in situation-ships and have met people that have shown me what I don’t want (contrast), but I haven’t met anyone that I felt safe to fall for. I don’t regret any of it – as we say in research, all data is useful data.
I stayed for a double class – the second being a Yinki & Soundscape prior to heading to a workout. Yinki is a yoga modality that combines both yin yoga and reiki. It was a nice slow down from the Vinyasa class I had just completed. During the class, the teacher came around to provide reiki to the students as she was guided to. When she arrived to me, she placed her hand in the back of my heart chakra. It’s okay to let it all go. As she walked away, a small tear strolled down my cheek. On my way to my post-yoga workout, I heard Bruno Mars’ Marry Me playing in a parked car I walked by and I chuckled. The song took me back to a pleasant romantic memory back in 2013 with this particular song at its core.
The past month of my life has probably been the most sublime month of my entire human existence. I’ve slowed down and have been granted the opportunity to focus just on work, beauty, and health (and the ocean – she’s everything :P). I feel healthy and strong. I have daily and nightly routines. I’m constantly reading books and writing. I’m happy with my skin, my hair texture, my body, my mind, and my spirit. My room is full of pleasant aromas, candles, essential oils, body oils, a himalayan lamp, the color white, a bamboo plant, a beautifully woven weighted blanket. It all feels so good, so right. Life can really change quickly as long as you set your heart and action towards your desired direction. And as long as you’re willing to let go of anything that doesn’t serve you – even if it hurts.
Ease. Peace. Balance. Harmony.
When I pulled the romance card out of my deck, I smiled. I didn’t cringe nor roll my eyes nor withdrew in panic. I felt tranquil. “It’s time.” I thought to myself as I went back to other matters.
Given all my experiences, my processing of trauma, and my years in therapy, I have developed a list of items on what I would want in a person. I’m not one of those “must be the CEO of 16 companies, look like a Greek God, and be in charge of the universe” type of people – that’s bizarre. But given my life history, I think it’s valuable for me to have a set of guidelines so I don’t run away and hide in a cave for the rest of my existence. In all honesty, I don’t even want to do that whole traditional dating thing (2019 translation: ain’t nobody got time for fuckboys and situation-ships). I want to find someone to commit to. I have met SO MANY people in this lifetime. And in my younger years, particularly, 19-21 I DATED. (Yes, it required a bold, underline, and italics effects so you, as a reader, could understand that those were my wonder years lol – good thing I got that out of my system super early!).
So, that list…
- Must live in the same geographic region as me – In this case in San Diego, with a particular preference for North County San Diego. Ain’t nobody got time for planes and trains and cars.
- Interdependence vs. Co-dependence: While I want to be adored by someone, I don’t want to be the center of their universe. I want someone that is strong enough to stand in their individuality (including finances), while also being willing to collaborate with others. Someone that has their own life and simply wants to share that with someone else. I can’t handle the expectations of being a nurse, a mother, a therapist, a <my everything>. While one person can mean the world to you, they should not be your everything.
- Integrity: I honestly love Brené Brown’s definition of integrity – “You choose courage over comfort. You chose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you chose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.” This one is super important.
- Respect: If there’s something that I’ve learned by being alive, is that we all define things differently. My best friend is a lawyer and prior to ever entering discourse with him, he ensures that we have clear definitions about the topic of discussion. This prevents simple misunderstandings in the long-run. For me, respect largely revolves around time. Don’t assume that I’ll alway be around and don’t assume that the time that I give is eternal. While time (philosophically) extends beyond the linear, in this 3D reality, time is of the essence – it’s all we have and we’re always running out of. Quality time is my first love language followed by words of affirmation. Also, respect extends beyond how someone treats me when they’re with me. If someone brings down the moon and hands it to me on a silver platter, it will render valueless if they follow that gesture by spending time with 16 prostitutes. Respect is a large, dense, endless topic – and it’s vital for me to even start having romantic feelings of any sort. To summarize my desire in one sentence – someone that respects themselves in the way that I respect me.
- Communication: I’m a words person. I seek to understand. However, if I see someone become avoidant around topics that are less than harmonious I think red flag. Life, especially human connection, is not all fluffy, shallow, fun, and games. Shit gets real. People change. Life gets complicated. All of that can only be transformed for the better in the presence of open communication. And yes, omitting part of a truth is a lie.
- Ease: Can I be myself around this person? I don’t believe that anyone should ever change for anyone else. Seriously. I think people are who they are. Therefore I observe and sense a situation out and show more of myself as time progresses to see if it’s safe or unsafe to show the full expression of my individuality. If I somehow feel constricted or judged, I will know that I don’t belong in that particular situation. If someone’s lifestyle is drastically different from my own – to the point that we rarely share time together, chances are that’s not a good fit. Whenever I find myself trying to fit into someone’s life – romantically or otherwise – I know it’s time to go.
- Growth: I want someone to hold me to my highest standards and I’d do the same. And for clarification purposes, high standards and constant criticism are not one in the same. I’m not just looking for someone I have good chemistry with. Good chemistry is easy to find (and largely physical). I’m looking for someone that I have good chemistry with and can build with. It takes the hell of a lot more than love to be happy alongside someone else. There needs to be a foundation and a destination (<Insert something about having six planets in Capricorn here or simply just being human.>).
- Adventure: I want someone that is adventurous – in the physical sense of the word (yeah, let’s go skydiving!), but also in the philosophical sense – let’s talk about the meaning of the universe in front of the ocean at 3AM. Adventure and exploration are huge parts of who I am and I can’t imagine partnering with someone that doesn’t value it as much as I do.
- Emotional consistency and follow-through: I love routines. I’ve experienced a good amount of chaos, particularly in childhood, and routines ease my anxiety. Consistency doesn’t mean doing things daily, it means doing things with a predictable pattern. For example, my friend Nick and I don’t talk to each other everyday, but we (meaningfully aka more than meme exchange) talk once a a week! If Nick were to suddenly talk to me on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Then, stop talking to me for three weeks. Talk to me for a month. Stop talking to me for a year. Talk to me for thirty days in row. Then stop talking to me for five months. I would lose trust in that connection. Imagine if you worked out that way!
- Equality: Don’t expect me to do it all – initiating, planning, action taking. I’ve got a career to keep growing, financial independence to continue cultivating, a body to keep maintaining, and friendships to keep watering. Ain’t nobody got time to do it all.
- And in case you were wondering – yes. I must be attracted to them, there must be great sex, great conversation, etc. Refer to #7.
- Trust: Saved the best for last. I don’t trust easily. I don’t fall easily. I don’t let go easily. A combination of all the qualities described above, slowly, but surely will birth trust within my heart. Once trust is there, there’s space for love to blossom. And oh my – when I fall, I fall! I become the embodiment of Bhakti, devotion. Is it empathy, support, compassion, passion, adventure, intensity, and pure love all wrapped into one. My heart is made of rare gold and last time I checked, rare gold wasn’t easy to come by.
- I honestly just want to find the Alex Fine to my Cassie. They are seriously #relationshipgoals