“In the fields, she stopped and took a deep breath of the flower-scented air. It was dearer to her than her kin, better than a lover, wiser than a book. And for a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life. She was here on this earth to absorb its wild enchantment.” Boris Pasternak
It’s been quite some time since I’ve been inspired to write on this cyber space. Most of my writing has occurred in small journals, in airport napkins, in heaps of receipts, in the notes section of my calendar. The past few months have been intensely packed with training for my new position, adapting to a non-office based lifestyle, and travel. Most recently, I’ve been galavanting the streets of Panama – a lovely Latin American gem.
The past few months have also been packed with a lot of growth and knowledge. For example, I prefer to travel on my own; and don’t you dare give me an ultimatum! My personal freedom seems to be my top priority these days. I’ve reached a peak of detachment, where everything is just passing by and I am simply passing through. I’m finally learning and understanding what these woo-woo mystical words mean: on topics such as manifestation, creation of your reality, and creating major change by simply creating small changes to the way you react to pretty much anything. I’m using psychology to ground these beliefs and give them substance. Now a days, I’m really starting to believe that I’m here on this Earth to simply have a human experience – there is no right or wrong way to do it.
Then, there are thoughts of you. Faint memories of you occasionally seep themselves into my conscious state. After we parted ways, I adopted an unconscious belief that romance was an illusion that didn’t belong in my reality. I’ve experienced lots of attraction, but I can’t remember the last time that I had a crush. I can’t remember the last time someone made me giggle and feel giddy and full of butterflies. There’s no space in my life for anything other than casual encounters. I think that when you left, you took all the romanticism that resided within me and now I’m empty. Yet, it’s a beautiful emptiness – one that I welcome. A voidness that I’ve honored and that life has filled with adventure and travel – with new friends and countless stories. After Panama City, there’s Boston, then there’s Austin. Texas always still reminds me of you. How’s the post-Navy life? Did you follow those other dreams you spoke of? The only memories that remain of you are feeble ones and they’re no longer accompanied with emotion.
I’m currently trying to figure out what city I’d like to get open dive certified in: Should I choose Barcelona (though the water is bound to be quite cold later in the year) or should I go with Conzumel (and ring in the new year with watery depth style)? I will decide within the month, but only time will tell. In the mean time, I’ll dedicate myself to lots of swim practice – reconnecting with my Pisces moon.
Just wanted to write in this space with some minor updates. So much has changed since December that it’s sort of unreal. How does life do that? How does it change so quickly? So swiftly? Until next time xoxo.