It’s Almost Like Praying

To witness Lin-Manual Miranda using his genius and collaborating with legends for the greater good, click on the video above. I was born in Mayagüez and raised in Moca. Currently have family in Aguada, Aguadilla, Isabela, and Moca.

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If you’d like to see Lin-Manuel in JLo drag from his college days, follow this playlist.

Here are some photos from my travels to Puerto Rico earlier this year:

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Kali: Destruction and Creation

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Bear Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park (Elevation 9,485 ft)

de·struc·tion

dəˈstrəkSH(ə)n/
noun
the action or process of causing so much damage to something that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired.

Some time last year, my father went out of his way to cut a off a good portion of a tree whose branches extended onto his driveway.  At the time, I remember making a comment about the birds that inhabited the tree. As autumn equinox graces us with its presence in the North American continent and the Atlantic hurricane season reaches its peak, nature is inviting me to make space for death and destruction. Over the past forty-eight hours, I’ve been watching the island of my upbringing, Puerto Rico, via media proxy destroyed by Hurricane Maria. My father’s actions of cutting the tree, when placed in a greater context, make sense. My father’s attraction to properties on higher altitudes, make sense. Though currently residing on mainland US soil, both my parents spent a good portion of their lives living on an island where hurricane’s are common, though nothing quite like Maria. From their perspective, removing the tree was a precautionary measure – an attempt to remove as much potential danger near their home as possible, in case that something ever occurs.

Just last week, I was in the serene glory of the sublime Rocky Mountains. Surrounded by alpine trees, rocky terrain, fresh water, and a crisp air quality that brings tranquility to the soul. Constrast. As of late, water has been calling me for healing, particularly fresh water. When in stillness, fresh mountain water has a crisp taste, a quality of clarity, and induces a sense of calm to all those whom approach it. Yet, it also has the capacity to cause great change, to increase speed, to be in a state of ferocity, and to destroy. The dual nature of water gives it mystery and evokes a deep reverence from its surrounding ecosystem. The elements always arouse a sense of curiosity within me. All elements are paradoxical in nature, having the capacity to both sustain life and annihilate it. Water provides nourishment, but also drowns. Fire provides warmth, but also burns. Air provides lightness and refreshment, but also roars, uproots and tears apart. Earth provides support, but also crumbles.

The universe destroys itself to recreate itself.” – Douglas Brooks

During my undergraduate years, I had the privilege of taking a course with Douglas Brooks. If you ever get the opportunity to attend one of his lectures or conversations, take advantage of doing so. He’s a brilliant individual that has the capacity to weave storytelling, theory, and Hindu mythology, all while providing you with practical-modern day applications to engage with your world. You are every character in the story, he would often say. Kali. Kali is a Hindu goddess known as both destroyer and creator. She whom cleanses. She whom removes all that’s no longer needed.  Fierce, protector, mistress of time. As I watched video and photographic evidence of destructive winds, flash floods, and mudslides, Kali’s presence sat beside me. She watched with a grin on her face. All will be made new, she kept repeating as she danced away.  “Muerte y destrución en Aguadilla...La destrución en Moca es masiva.” Death and destruction. I closed my laptop and decided to shut my eyes for some sleep. Still no word from my family on the island.

“There are the tourists—those who seek temporary respite from their daily lives, and the glimpse of a famous landmark. There are the travelers—the wanderers, who journey without aim, for the love of being on the road. There are the explorers—those yearning for adventure, for the thrill of unearthing things rarely seen.

And then there are the pilgrims.

The magic of gazing out the window on long bus rides, the alluring call of foreign experiences, the pure, unfettered joy of unmarked locales and smiling locals: These are delights for the traveler, for the explorer with itchy feet. A pilgrim may embrace this ethos, but his itch remains unscratched. The pilgrim needs more than sightseeing and personal metamorphosis. It may be about a lesson to learn or a lesson to teach; it may be about preserving the past and enlightening the future. For the pilgrim, the journey is both purpose and project. Life may be the inspiration, but for the pilgrim, the journey becomes life itself.”  Wanderlusted: Meet the Modern-Day Pilgrims

cre·a·tion

krēˈāSH(ə)n/
noun
the action or process of bringing something into existence.

Pilgrim. Earlier this year, I spent about ten days on the island. Not only did I become reacquainted with those I hadn’t seen in over a decade, but I got to re-establish a connection with my ancestral roots. Visiting both my grandfather’s grave sites as well as the spaces where my family has spent a good portion of the past century was enlivening. It reignited a sense of purpose and direction within me – it further infused my bones with the spirit of the intellectual and the explorer, qualities which both of my grandfather’s exhibited. On a sunny late morning, I stood overlooking a cemetery in the the Northwestern Puerto Rican town of Moca. I vividly remember the sensation of the cool breeze that caressed my skin as I closed my eyes.  In that instance, an urge to wander overpowered my body – in that moment I knew, I was to keep moving, exploring, discovering.

As Puerto Rico is riddled with metaphoric death and destruction, I sense centuries of trauma and pain manifested in visual form, coming to the surface for healing. From being under Spanish reign to becoming a modern day US commonwealth, years of suppressed abuse can no longer remain just below the surface. Centuries of using the Earth’s natural resources for our own gain can’t go without repercussions. Mother Nature is using her force to remind us of the bigger picture; to remind us of our interdependent relationship, our interconnectedness. As I browsed photos of ruination, I felt as if I too was uprooted – I too was to make space for endings in preparation for an incoming dawn. Mother Nature, Kali, Persephone, gift us with a clean slate to begin again, to begin anew. As I continue a long-term pilgrimage to uncover, discover, and create whom I want to be, I’ll trust water, fire, wind, and earth to guide me down a path of continuous cycles of death and rebirth, not allowing room to take anything for granted. The path of a Phoenix. The path of a Snake.  In the words of Douglas Brooks, Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

fw
Don’t Give Up, Give Over: Full wheel at Castillo San Felipe del Morro, San Juan, Puerto Rico

It is my hope to travel to Puerto Rico this coming November to assist the people to begin again, in whatever ways I can.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

Mission District: Confessions to You

mission.jpg
Astrologer in the Mission District, San Francisco, California

It was around this time two years ago, that we’d talk into the early hours of the morning – well, my mornings. The three hour time difference would make it so that I slept very little, but I was infused with an inexplicable sense of purpose when thoughts of you crossed my mind. We would exchange words about our lives, our pasts, philosophy, the present, the future, fantasy, magic, the esoteric, the intellectual, the comedic – words that helped us both witness the life of the other. There is a scene in Before Sunrise where Celine and Jesse are talking about their desires: “I believe if there’s any kind of God it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.” When we began to delve into each other’s lives, into each other’s inner worlds, we had already known each other for five years on a surface level.  Yet getting to know you better, getting to know your truth, was one of my favorite adventures to date. You were the sailor to my siren, the wizard to my witch, the emperor to my empress, the magician to my high priestess, the sun to my moon. The sound of your voice would echo in me through my days – even when you were gone – training. You were a type of magic I’d never tasted.

sunset
Pacific Sunset (Photography credit: KWB, 2015)

Hibiki. Japan. Salty cigarettes. Zebra blankets. Black coffee. Sriracha. Right arm. Summer Whites. Fall Blues. The Tower. Seals. Books in infinite supply. FPOAP. Dropped calls. Skype. Laughter. The apartment. Shark and bear. Handwritten letters. Flowers. The sleepy bunny diaries. Christmas. Leo. August. Strength. Rope. Fantasy. Anchor. Oahu. Annapolis. Traffic. Road rage. Texas. 

 It was life-changing to meet you, sir.

As the sun set, stress increased, and life continued to move at a pace faster than either of us were able to keep up, we shared another tense conversation. “Perhaps you need to lose me in order to have your dream life. That’ll be the fuel.” You said. I became teary eyed. I was overcome by a knotting sensation in my gut. Was this all there was to it? Was this love? The words tattooed on the left-hand side of your chest, came to mind: Courage flourishes at the wound. {Sometime in 2016}

As with most of your observations and affirmations, you were right. One of your most beautiful qualities is the depth of your wisdom – it felt near clairvoyant. I felt so deeply understood by you. Today, I have the constant travel and the hub to return to. Most of the dreams we spoke of, I’m living.  Yet in the joy of it all, I often wonder about your well-being; Of how we’re not sharing that which we spoke of.

I can’t pretend that life hasn’t moved forward. I’ve dated other people. I’ve had the privilege of living a thousand and one adventures. My universe feels expansive, full of possibility. There have been challenges, but also tremendous growth. As I continue to explore how I’d like a relationship to look like, I often think of the time we shared. While I can no longer say that I’m in-love with you, I’m forever grateful that I got to spend some part of this lifetime with a magical soul like you. You are the prototype.

El Romance

love
Delaying Goodbyes: At the airport with a former lover waiting for a flight from Rochester, NY to San Diego, CA (Photography credit: KWB, 2015).
I’ve spent a good portion of my life navigating the philosophical paradox of fate and free will. How much control do we have? Is there such a thing as fate? I was raised in an extremely religious environment, yet even in my early years I always understood religious teachings as stories that were representative of the human experience – nothing more. That’s not to say that I don’t have spiritual beliefs, I do, they just don’t necessarily resemble the pre-packaged systems that we’re either born into, read about, or study. There is not a day that passes by in which I don’t revel in my insignificance. Think about this: You’re a breathing being on a planet that is part of one of millions of galaxies in an ever-expanding universe. If that’s not magical, if that’s not miraculous, if  that’s not divine, if that’s not mind-blowing, if that doesn’t make you feel small, I don’t know what is – I don’t know what will. Now I won’t delve into musings about meaning, purpose, creativity, and power. To do so would be misleading given the title of this post.  Let’s get to it; I’m here to talk about romantic love.

 Twenty-six. Semi-nomadic. At a cross-roads. 

What is love?  I once had a professor who specialized in the study of mystical traditions around the world. Throughout the course of the semester, he’d remind us, “It’s easier to attempt to define mysticism than it is to attempt to define love.” In recent years, a combination of romantic relationships and heartbreak has led me to explore love in an expansive manner, outside of the norm in an attempt to define romance for myself – I think we all have to define it for ourselves. What is romance? The thought of finding a forever someone, getting married, purchasing property together, having children, etc., etc. has never held much appeal to me. I’ve always been more concerned with my independence, with physical beauty, with travel, with excellent performance in all I partake in, with having strong friendships – Romance has never taken precedence.

Him: “So, I’ll be in Maryland for at least the next year and a half.”

Me: “Looks like I’ll be moving to Maryland.

Conversations with a former lover

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Baltimore, Maryland
I’ve been in love – head over heals, I’ll follow you around the world, you are everything I’ve always desired, this is meant-to-be in love. Twice. Yet both times, once the relationship settled into a stage of familiarity, I became restless and wondered if there was “more”. Was that all love was supposed to be? Let me clarify – they were both great individuals, it had nothing to do with their lack, but rather with my own internal demons and shortcomings. My life is driven by passion and intensity. I seek for all aspects of my life to feel like a grand adventure. Is it possible to sustain passionate love in the long-term {See Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel}?

As I move towards a fully nomadic lifestyle, I’m trying to find as much clarity as possible in all aspects of my life.  Do I want a partner in crime? Do I want an open relationship? Do I want to commit to someone who is more “settled” while I travel often? Do I want to be involved in a long-term, long-distance relationship? As I continue to define what it is that I desire, I’ll remain open. In the words of Mary Oliver, “Keep some room in  your heart for the unimaginable.” 

Navigating Desire: Loneliness & Connection

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7 AM at JFK International Airport after a red eye from Denver, CO

lone·li·ness

ˈlōnlēnəs/
noun
being without company

As I gear up to head back to Denver this coming week, I’ve been meditating on loneliness and connection while on the road. Prior to my morning workout, I relished in my inactivity and read an exclusive George Clooney interview published in the The Hollywood Reporter. What most struck me about this piece were Clooney’s remarks on loneliness;  “Most striking of all, despite his legions of friends, Clooney revealed that he, like most everyone else, experienced bouts of loneliness. “Anyone would be lying if they said they didn’t,” he observed.

Over the past two months, I’ve had the privilege of making connections with fascinating and inspiring individuals from all over the globe. Yet even in the midst of making new connections, there’s a part of me that occasionally craves the connection that is bred from long-term exposure, from a sense of familiarity. So, I went through my photos in an attempt to evoke the sensations and emotions that such instances produced; the stories shared below.

 

“Acknowledge your craving for connection.” Danielle LaPorte

 con·nec·tion

kəˈnekSH(ə)n/
noun
a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.

Earlier this year, I reconnected with a guy whom I knew in my youth; my last memory of him was around the age of 12. Re-connecting with someone after more than a decade is not very different than meeting someone for the first time. While their appearance may be familiar, whom they are in the present doesn’t necessarily equate with your memories (or projections).  A military officer, a seasoned traveler, getting ready to go live in Okinawa, Japan. I found it admirable of how sure he appeared to be about what he wanted (Aside from a love of travel, we had very little in common). It was through this encounter that I began to try to uncover my true desires. Questions around my core desires began to plague me: What is it that you truly desire? What is at the core of your heart? How do want your relationships to look like? How do you want your life to look like? Are you living life in alignment with your truth?

From that point forward, I decided to travel with desire leading the way.  At times, desire looked like making my way to a high peak right after landing. At other times, desire looked like going straight to my hotel room for a nap. At times, desire looked like sharing my location via photographs in social media. At other times, desire looked like complete disconnection from the virtual world. Steve Jobs once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” As I continued to travel in an attempt to truly understand how it is that I want to spend my life, I often found myself returning to spaces and places of the past, riddled with memories of what once happened. It is in these places and spaces that I’m uncovering those core desired feelings.  Here are stories that reflect some of these feelings – the stories that I promised above:

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My best friends and I in Downtown Burlington, Vermont (2016 – hence the winter wear!)

Core Desired Feelings: Connected. Grounded. Adventurous. 

Jalon and I drove through a relatively unpleasant snow storm to make our way to Burlington. As we drove through desolate roads in Upstate New York, I felt a sense of tranquility come upon me. Halfway through our drive, we stopped on the side of the road. In the midst of total darkness, a piercing chilly wind, and blowing snow, we shared a moment of complete silence and communion I will never forget. The kind of silence that can only be shared when two people are soulfully connected. Upon arriving we were greeted by Cmack’s warmth and unparalleled hospitality. We convened, cuddled each other endlessly, laughed, and made our way to that other-worldly land – the land of dreams. We woke up to a beautiful, godly breakfast (maple was involved) then off took for the day; An antique shop, an 11AM tap room visit, downtown Burlington.  That night we met with another friend, Nicole, and had an unforgettable night.

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Sugar Bakeshop in Charleston, South Carolina

Core Desired Feelings: Nourishment. Freedom. Abundance.It was my second trip with Chris.  We were working in downtown Charleston for the day and realized we were ahead of our timeline. “Want to go for a walk?” A quick Yelp search led us here. We both ordered a honey cupcake because this shop makes their own honey – right on their rooftop!

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Sunset in Isabela, Puerto Rico

Core Desired Feelings: Vibrant. Blissful. Expansive.

I had just landed in Puerto Rico from Hawaii. In less than 24 hours, I had managed to catch 5 flights and my energy reserves were running on low. However, I was greeted by family I hadn’t spent time with in nearly a decade. I also met a lot new people, whom I hadn’t met before. My aunt’s fiancé suggested we head on to the running track/a nearby trail in Isabela town. After a few minutes on the track, I ran into my former nanny’s daughter. “What are you doing here?! I thought you were in Hawaii!” We hugged, we laughed, we shared stories – we (re) connected as the sun set.

Fire Headland: On Darkness and Light

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Le’ahi (Diamond Head), Honolulu, O’ahu, Hawaii

Life should be lived to the point of tears.” – Albert Camus

It was 11:50PM and I had just landed at the San Francisco airport. Though plagued with ravenous hunger, the only available meal option was Burger King, so I opted out. Instead of feeding myself, I decided to find a place for the night as my flight was not set to board until the next morning 6:44 AM. After walking through different gates, I spotted a footrest that would allow me to get a few hours of sleep. I vividly remember laying down on a blanket I had acquired at the previous flight and using my small carry-on as a pillow. As I lay down, I was overwhelmed with tears of pure joy. This was the beginning of two months straight on the road and there aren’t enough words on this Earth to express the level of fulfillment I felt in that moment. I felt home. There I was, on the first leg of a travel bender. Four hours later, I was wide awake.

As soon as I landed in Honolulu, blood rushed through my body at fiery speeds. Even before leaving airport grounds, I was overcome by the warmth of home. That feeling of home, again. My heart was warm, though my body was freezing from extended amount of time indoors, with AC. I skipped through the airport on the way to my rental car. Once in my rental car, I let out of a shriek of joy.  “You will learn here.” Whispered my soul.

From the airport, I made my way to Le’ahi or what is commonly referred to as Diamond Head. Though time zone changes can affect our circadian rhythms, I was deeply grateful that in this case, it worked to my advantage; It was only 10AM! Running on adrenaline and joy, I made my way to the top and finally stopped to breathe. As I looked at my surroundings, tears began to stroll down my eyes.  The ten months prior to my arrival on the island had been less than favorable, but in that moment everything made sense. At its peak, I was able to gain perspective. I stayed at the top for a few moments, looking at the island,  the city, the Pacific Ocean, looking at those around me….one of my life cycles came to completion in a fire headland, in a head of diamonds {For a view of Honolulu from the top, click here and scroll down}.

After making my way down, I hopped in my car, drove around the island, windows down, music blasting, tears of joy decorating my cheeks, with nowhere to be, but here and now. “This is it.” I thought to myself,  This is it. Suddenly, I felt the need to turn on to a street, get out the car, and feel the power deeply rooted on Hawaiian soil. Like a child filled with wonder, I submerged in muddy patches, and eventually discovered a trail that led to a waterfall! Luckily, I hadn’t checked in at my hotel yet, so I was able to use a my flight blanket as a floor rag to not dirty my rental car. This was the beginning of a grand adventure.

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Banyan tree in Nu’uanu Valley

At hotel check-in, I realized I hadn’t consumed a proper meal in what was nearly forty-eight hours. I quickly filled up my water bottle, dropped my stuff off in my room and made my way down to the infamous Waikiki beach. I found food, I found beautiful spirits; Nourishment for my soul. As I watched the sun set and the spirit of the night awaken, I looked out to the horizon and felt divinity wrap the entirety of my being in delight, as I’d never known before. The words from Cheryl Strayed’s Wild echoed in my head, “How wild it was, to let it be.”

Eventually, I made my way to my hotel where I had difficulty falling asleep. After a slow-flow yoga sequence on the ocean essence filled balcony in my room, I made my way downstairs and met a fellow East coaster. “Can’t sleep ?” he asks. I nod. We converse until the little coffee shop near us, opens. It turns out he was also on the island for work, but missing his family back home; Perspective. Though I couldn’t relate, because I felt so complete, there was a place in my heart filled with compassion. For some people, travel feels like a chore. I wished him success and wished him well. The rest of my time on the island was filled with similar serendipitous encounters; meeting the right people at the right time. Even the work I did while at my site on the island felt infused with purpose.

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The Byodo-In Temple, Valley of the Temples Memorial Park
Kahaluu, O’ahu, Hawaii

“The dance between darkness and light will always remain— the stars and the moon will always need the darkness to be seen, the darkness will just not be worth having without the moon and the stars.”  C. JoyBell C.

Interactive exercise: If you have any social media platform, do a quick search of the travel hashtag  (#travel)

Chances are that you were greeted by overwhelming images of all the natural and man-made beauty this Earth holds space for; breathtaking ones. I particularly enjoy, looking at photographs of the same spaces through multiple lenses, through different perspectives. A photograph is nothing more than a subjective interpretation of reality. No two people will capture the exact same angle of a particular landscape.

However, chances are you won’t see the dark side of travel.  It can be exhausting. The wear and tear will inevitably show up in your body, where you will then have to take appropriate steps to bring your fleshy vessel back to equilibrium. There will be nights sleeping at airports and nights with no sleep. Food that may not align with your highest expectations (Although once you land you typically have a larger range of control as to what goes into your body). There will be unfair situations, airline snafus, lots of waiting time, last minutes changes, sprints across airports as if your life depended on it, flight delays, cancellations, and more interruptions than you can imagine. And if you’ve never encountered this  while traveling, travel long enough and it is bound to occur at least once. In the past I’ve been accused of being one who had a pact with darkness, someone committed to a dark path. I’m not sure that I interpret that as a negative accusation, as I think there’s some validity in the statement. As an individual, I am more than committed to bringing treasures from the darkness into the light. Yet in order to carry out this mission, I must be willing to sleep, reside, eat with, entertain, and be in relationship with darkness.

“I think he said that his fearlessness was that he always created room for fear. It was always allowed into the discourse. FEAR NEEDS GOOD COMPANY. It needs the company of courage. It needs the company of discernment. It needs to not stand alone. When any idea stands in isolation; when any emotion isn’t integrated into the greater matrix of relationships, it becomes a liability rather than an asset. Courage is a liability without fear because then it becomes impetuousness, recklessness.” From my brilliant teacher, Douglas Brooks

I love to travel. I’m passionate about travel. I deeply desire travel. Yet, I think it’s important that as I continue to share my stories, I share the process into which I arrive to my destinations. The process isn’t always as picturesque as the destination, but it’s in the process that I find the golden stories.  I’ve pushed and broken past comfort zones while traveling.  By traveling, I’ve learned details about my being that may have remained otherwise undiscovered. Via constant travel, I’ve been able to witness the different paths that multiple souls have chosen to make their time on Earth count. I am humbled that this is a part of my human experience. I feel privileged that in the act of travel, in process of discovering the other, be it souls or geographic spaces, I am pushed to my edge and faced with the darkest of my demons, which can be witnessed and transformed for the greater good.

The rest of my time in O’ahu was magical: Haleiwa, Pupukea, Turtle Bay Resort, Kawela Bay, La’ie Point State Wayside, Kualoa Ranch, Koko Head District Park, and the heart of Honolulu.  When living in a state of magic, time seems to slip away, to melt away, to disappear. From there, I hopped on a plane and made my way, way east to the island of Puerto Rico, where more sublime beauty and lessons awaited.  While making my way to JFK, I met Clayton, whom at the time was a recently divorced dad of two from Vancouver, whom had just returned from a fishing and surfing adventure in Cabo San Lucas – more about the story once I make my way to Cabo! For the two months that followed, I was on the road, from destination to destination in a state of bliss.

A very special thank you to Mike, who drove me around O’ahu. Mahalo Mike!

I’ll be returning to O’ahu this coming April/May and I’m excited to see what awaits.

 

The Wheel

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Navy Pier, Chicago, Illinois

Travel is a practice and has become my sacred meditation. Is there an element of escapism woven into the thread? A romanticized notion of getting on a plane? Sure. But it’s not about avoidance, if anything it’s exploration or confrontation or coming to terms with people, places, and most difficult times yourself. Movement in our lives is good, we need to oil our joints, take care of our bodies and our minds and more importantly, each other. Travel is movement. There is no escaping that.” Marianna Jamadi

It’s been two weeks on the ground and I’m plagued by restlessness and an inexplicable sense of meaninglessness. An all consuming feeling of disconnection rattles my bones; When was the last time I spoke to anyone I label as ‘friend’? Perhaps a few weeks ago, with my Chicago friend – we’re all so scattered around the globe. Once you begin to travel often, family and friendships are found on the road. The friendly stranger who stroke up a conversation upon arrival at the airport, becomes your travel companion and so on and so forth.

Why is it that when I’m traveling I don’t obsessively dwell on finding the meaning of being alive? Why is it that when I’m traveling I’m not consumed by deep thoughts of death? Why is it that when I’m traveling, I don’t question the worth or value of my existence? These thoughts have become my companions during my moving meditations – runs, HIIT, yoga, boxing, the gym – I find it easeful to connect with the divine while moving. As I walked through the halls that I call ‘work’, I was stopped along the path.

“Any awesome places coming up?” He asks.

“Yes.” I respond. “I’ll be in Denver soon.”

He goes on, “Don’t you get sick of it?”

There are a million thoughts racing through my being. Suddenly, my depressive state seems momentarily lifted. “No. I would do it everyday for the rest of my life.

“I couln’t do it.” He says.

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By the Water, Chicago, Illinois

I sit. My mind races. Though words normally grace my mind with ease, today they escape me. Today, I am consumed by sensation, an insatiable near destructive desire, and wondrous daydreams of the road. Kali roars at me: What you feel is my way of protecting your soul. Kali has been a constant presence in my life since I landed. Slaying and destroying all that which doesn’t serve me. She wants me to walk away. She wants me to hop on the next mechanical bird out of here to never return. My reason takes over and I resist. Not yet, Kali. Not yet. She’s not particularly known for her patience. Rather than seeking for understanding, I’ll dwell in my desire to be consumed by my lust to wander, like wildfire. I’m honoring my inner Kali, but using the wisdom of Athena until the next steps reveal themselves.

“No rash actions, Wanda.” Athena reminds me as I walk out the door.

Passionate souls need constant reminders to not jump off every bridge they encounter.

Here’s to my last full week of ass in chair time prior to heading to Denver.